I never in my life imagined being a divorced single mother at 35 years old. But, here I was. A mother, divorced, depressed, and living in a city 3,000 miles away from my friends and family. What was I to do? Part of me screamed for to go back home to Washington state. The screams were loud and invaded every thought. Screams of fear and reasons why I should not stay where I was in Washington, DC. But, knowing what my life was like when I was back home, all the pain and devastation that the city I grew up in reminded me of, it made no sense to move back home. That city almost ate me alive, along with most of the people in it. I knew I would miss my family, my mom especially, but there was no strong pull back home, so I decided to stay and make a life here on the east coast.
I immediately began to do too much. I say that honestly and transparently. I should have taken time to myself. I did not know what that was like, after all. I had always jumped from one relationship to the next. Once one relationship ended, I would immediately begin dating again and jump right back into what would turn out to be one unhealthy relationship after another. This time was no different, though it definitely should have been. I started dating again, started hanging out with ladies in my neighborhood, and ended getting my world rocked, and needing to take a few steps back.
Once I woke up, if you will, things started to make sense. Once I really started to pay attention to myself and my children, our circumstances, emotions, attitudes, and behaviors, I knew if anything would get better, it had to start with me. There was no man that would fix what was broken in me or in my children. There was no relationship that would heal was was hurt. There was no external fixings. It had to start with me, because it started with me. The things that were broken in me, had created a domino effect in all of the areas in my life and so, of course it affected my children. When I woke up, I decided that it was time to put in work and to heal myself and to heal my family. I want to address the reason why I use the term ” woke up.” It literally feels like almost a decade of my life was a bad dream. It doesn’t seem like I lived it, but I know I did. It is very strange really, but I hope you understand. So the journey to the new me is what I want to share, most of all.
The work is ongoing. The journey is lifelong. The process of healing generational wounds, breaking generational curses, and discovering what a lifetime of abuse and trauma does to a woman, and her children, is an ongoing process. I show up wholeheartedly everyday. And it is tough. It is ugly. It is beautiful. It is devastating. It is enlightening. It is so many things that it makes me overflow with emotion sometimes! The damage is deep. But there is beauty in it because there is healing in it. Facing the ugly parts of your past, is truly the only way to get over it. It is freeing to forgive others and yourself for mistakes made, different decisions you would have made under different circumstances, words you have said and that have been said to you, terrible things done to you and by you, and so on. It is ugly but it is necessary, and freeing. Most importantly, freeing!
So, who is this new me, huh? Well she is many things, but most importantly she is wholeheartedly, 100% unapologetically, Victoria Olean! My paternal great grandmother’s name was Victoria. I never met her but I heard stories of how she was a very strong willed woman with a hell of a back bone. I am named after her. My maternal grandmother’s middle name was Olean. I remember her well! I remember her polyester pants and matching knit tops, her Budweiser beers, and her tomato slices with salt. I remember her beautiful bedroom with lace, pinks, mauves, and all things girly and fabulous. And her smile! Oh, her uplifting and magical smile. I am named after her, too. Much is in a name.
The new me embraces her flaws and qualities. The new me is a woman on a mission to leave a legacy of generational wealth, generational prosperity, and generational peace. Self-acceptance is a beautiful thing. It allows you to go after everything that you want, without apologizing, without worrying whether you have approval, without comparison. It means you go after your dreams no matter how many times you fail, or whether or not you even know what you are doing. It allows you to go after your dreams, do what you want to do, love yourself wholeheartedly, love your children, love others, and embrace the flaws and qualities of the differences in us all. The new me feels it all, the good and the bad, and is awake for it all! See, I was determined to heal, to restore, to stand up, to take accountability, to go after my dreams, and to stop wasting time not living! And that made me new!
I hope you learned more about me during this four part series. I hope you take some time to learn more about yourself, and I hope that you, too, stand up where you are, take full responsibility for your life, and make the decision to go after EXACTLY what it is you want.
Leave me a comment and let me know what you thought, what this four part series made you feel, and share with me the dream you are going after today!