This is my last year in my thirties. The last 9 months actually. I must say – I am looking forward to life after 40. Call me crazy, but it’s true. I’ve lived many lives, and this next chapter of my life is going to get very interesting. Since I was 18 years old, I’ve been attached to a man. I was married at 18, divorced by 22 and remarried by 25. My second marriage lasted a decade and since my divorce I’ve had two relationships, one not serious at all and one I thought was pretty serious… until I realized it wasn’t.
Anyway, I’ve been single since the beginning of February so this entire year has been pretty dry, as far as dating is concerned. But, for good reason! The relationship I mentioned earlier, the one I thought was pretty serious until it wasn’t, was short lived but showed me myself in a way I never wanted to see again. Oh, I’d seen that ugly woman before. She popped her head out strong when my husband had children, twins, with another woman three months before our son was born. She hung around for a long time, too, and she was miserable, angry, jealous, bitter, and ugly. And she came out again in January. It made me realize I still had a long way to go – a very long way to go, before I’d be healed, and I don’t need to be with a man in the meantime. If I were in a better place emotionally and mentally, that relationship would never have even happened when it did. But, that’s water under the bridge now and all that’s left to do is continue working on myself and continue striving to unpack my junk, work it out, clean it out, and live with a better heart.
So, dating at 39 is nonexistent at this point! I will be honest and humbly share that I do get approached or “hollered at” in some way every day, and sometimes multiple times a day, but I keep my AirPods charged, have always had an up tempo strut, and have mastered pretending not to hear over the music in my ears. I’d just rather not, sir. I’m really and truly not interested, ma’am; truly. No thank you. Not now. Not soon. Besides the fact that I’m still unpacking some things, I read a book recently by Andy Stanley, called “Enemies of the Heart” and it is a very good book which I highly recommend by the way, and in reading it I’ve learned about even more things I have to deal with. So. no thank you, again and again. I have a 16 year old son at home. I’m focused on getting him through high school with less of a headache than my twin daughters and I suffered, and off to college. Then, maybe, we’ll see if dating after 40 is all I’m thinking it’ll be!
I’m thinking it’ll be exciting and chill at the same time. Let me explain. For the first time since I was 20 I won’t have a child at home 100%. My youngest son Jaden comes over weekends and during school breaks, but lives with his dad, my ex husband during the week. It’ll be chill because I’ll have more free time than ever before in my adult life. Not free time as if there will be nothing to do – but come on! It’s different with kids at home! Dating after 40 will be exciting because I’m open to new experiences with different kinds of people and when you’re over 40, well most men, there’s a sense of maturity and stability that they have that is super sexy to me.
The crazy part is that there is one man I’d love to marry. Yes, I want to get married and be someone’s wife again. But, sometimes when I think about it, I don’t know if it’s really him. I know how I feel and what I want, but I don’t know if it’s him. I’m just not sure. But, I am sure, without any doubt that I want to be a wife again. And next time I’ll be a much better wife.
Dating after 40 might sound scary. Most traditional men and women would hope to be married and celebrating around ten years of marriage by then. They’d have kids and be sending them off to junior high or elementary school. But, if you’re like me, and you made some bad choices in your younger years and find yourself single after 40, don’t be down on yourself. Not for too long at least! Get up, get out there, and have an interesting time!
Remember, life typically doesn’t go according to plan. It can’t! Where would the excitement be in the predictability of life? Non existent, indeed. There may be a checklist you started out living by. Throw it away. There may be a list of milestones you wish to reach by a certain age. Throw it away. The worst thing you can do, and a sure way to stunt your growth and limit your life, is by trying to hold yourself to someone else’s written standard of what your life should look like, by what time, in what location, and with whom. Just, throw it away. Throw the whole idea away! Life is meant to be lived and yes, plans are essential. Milestones are not.