There are so many ways you can plan and prepare for things in life. We know there will be maintenance for our vehicles, we know there are costs for shelter, insurance, food, fun, education, and so on, and we may plan and save for it all. But, as we all know, there is a lot to life that is unexpected. Some things, we just can’t plan for.
Heartbreak is one of them. I’ve never talked about my most recent heartbreak as openly as I am about to, but now, I want to. I want to because I believe that my life is purposed to help others. And I know many other people have and will experience heartbreak.
It is a sad part of life. One you simply cannot plan for. One you hope to always avoid, but cannot. It is something that comes around when you least expect it and always when you do not want it. I’m currently working on getting over my most recent heartbreak. It isn’t my first… and if you’ve been following my blog you know this, but it is the most recent; it happened in the beginning of this year and it rocked me. To my core, it shook me and brought me to a pretty dark place.
If you’ve ever experienced heartbreak, and don’t have any healthy coping skills, you know how easily and quickly it can take you to a place of questioning yourself, feeling low, feeling doubtful, and being bitter. And that’s exactly how I felt. How I feel. The man that broke my heart is a man that I, initially, never ever ever ever ever would have thought to do so. Yes, that many evers. But, when all was said and done, I realized he had his own issues, as do we all, and so I needn’t not be bitter, or angry, but understanding and empathetic. I can feel sad and angry and I do. I can be disappointed and feel rejected, but I do not have to carry the weight of his flaws on me. I do not have to carry the weight of his mistakes on my heart.
You may say that’s crazy. And perhaps it is. But – to each his own. Instead of taking the blame of that man’s actions on myself, and feeling bad and bitter and down, I am learning to empathize, realizing that his actions are a reflection of his self. They were a reflection of what he knows, what he wanted, and how he chooses to behave. It had nothing to do with me, other than the fact that I chose to deal with him.
And that’s the thing about heartbreak. That’s the thing about people in general. When they do something to you, say something to you, that is disrespectful and/or hurtful, realize that it’s that person’s inner self that caused them to show up in the world the way they do, and there is nothing that you can do about it.
Pray for them, understand them… or not. But do not take the blame for their actions. *reminder to self
At the end of the day the choice is yours, and taking it positively helps more than harms. Trust me. I have been heartbroken several times and each time it was different. This time, it was devastating and at the same time, enlightening. And I’m sad, still. And I’m a bit disappointed, still. And I am healing, still. And…
Well, that’s just it. And! There is more to my life, God willing, and there is another love to be shared. There is a love for me that is deeper and more beautiful than I ever imagined. And I am hopeful about it. One day, it will be mine. I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite writers and speakers, Maya Angelou. She said, “Have enough courage to trust love one more time. And always one more time.”
And so, I will!